Jon Johnston

The Theory Of Household Energy Dispersal

family at the beach

Remember when you were young and single and had all the energy to do whatever you want – otherwise known as the “Good Ol’ Days”? Young people might remember when you lived alone, or in your dorm at university and you so much energy before you graduated, had to get a job, and start adulting? Now you have a regular job. Maybe you have kids. Maybe you live with your parents.

Now you’re tired all the time. Laggard wherever you go. You want to work out to stay in shape, but you decide to binge on Netflix instead.

There’s a perfectly good scientific explanation for this. It doesn’t involve your diet, how much cardio you do, or how much sleep you’re getting. Unfortunately, your “condition” may be very much beyond your control.

I call it my theory of “Household Energy Dispersal”. It’s very simple to understand.

Every household has a quota of energy that is divided equally among the people who live in the house.

When it’s just you living alone, you get 100% of the quota. When you get married, or start living with someone, whether in a relationship or as a roomie, your household energy drops by 50%. Most of the time people in a new relationship don’t even notice because they’re excited someone has chosen to love them.

You have a child. Suddenly, you’re down to a third of available energy. Have another, and you’re down to a fourth. God forbid you have twins or triplets, as the energy drop happens so fast it takes years to get accustomed to losing all that vigor at one time.

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Young people who move back in with their parents experience the same problem. They were carefree, then suddenly, they are devoid of energy, and life seems so very difficult.

Note that this theory is universal. It is true across all households, all walks of life, all countries, everywhere on planet earth. If you’re wondering how that perky couple at soccer has so much more energy than you, please don’t. They’re probably better at faking it for a few hours. Or they’re on meth. Either way, they collapse when they get home just the same way you do.

If you happen to be the youngest of a large family and have spent your life contemplating why your parents didn’t pay any attention to you, wonder no further. It’s because they didn’t have enough energy left to care. Think back to how they used to yell the names of your siblings in order before they got to you. They were too tired to remember their children’s names and were just reading off a card they kept in their wallet. It wasn’t personal. It’s just part of family life. You can thank me for saving you from more sessions at therapy by sharing this newsletter with your friends.

The obvious solution is to live alone. Never get married, never have children. Don’t have any pets either. I’m not 100% sure if it applies to pets as I am still doing research, but if you’re serious why take chances? You won’t get invited to holiday parties, but you’ll have all the energy you need. Now if you could only find something worthwhile to spend it on.

Is this humor? Yes, this is, at the least, an attempt at humor. However, I challenge you to tell me where I’m wrong.

What Else Is Happening?

My oldest son Noah has become an expert on crytpo and NFTs. I think it’s exciting. I don’t understand it, but everyone thought Woz and Steve Jobs were rather nuts when Apple first appeared on the scene. At one point in the 1980s IBM estimated the maximum number of PCs people would ever purchase at 5,000. They were off just slightly. Where are crypto and NFTs going? Who knows.

Other Newsletters/Books. I intend to do a newsletter on a bi-weekly basis. I will start adding references to other newsletters I think you might like and books as well. So if you have a book/newsletter you want me to include, let me know!